Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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