Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
