Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
