but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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