Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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