i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
