So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
