I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
