I wish you could order shots online.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
