your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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