just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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