A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
