just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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