We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
