I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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