Quick, to the slutcave!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
