So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
