So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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