bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
