I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
