When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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