I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
