Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
