Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
