Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
