remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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