she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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