Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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