she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
