he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
