i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
