so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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