Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
as a side note pls kill me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
