I got chris browned last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
