once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
