He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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