So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
