I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
