so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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