the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
