first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
