Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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