maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
