Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
