i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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