Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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