she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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