You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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