you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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