She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
