I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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