I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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