In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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