five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
